Second Baby Missed Milestones

second babyBecoming a Mom of Two so soon after being a First-Time Mom has given me a unique perspective on the experience because I remember the first time around so vividly. After all, it was only about a year ago that the same things were happening with Hannah’s growth and development that I’m observing with Audrey. Only… I’m not really observing them. Not only did Audrey get the short end of the stick with a generic baby book and a meager photography collection, she is also going through milestones on her own. The first time around, I eagerly anticipated each email from the Bump in order to keep up with all of Hannah’s new skills. In contrast, the other day I realized that I hadn’t even taught my kid how to sit on her own. I don’t think she was really suffering from oodles of time in her carrier sandwiched between belly-time. It was just that I started to notice other kids her age sitting up and it dawned on me that I never sat her down on her bum.

Things have changed a lot since the first time. I Mother in a completely different way and sometimes I even feel like a new woman. We could attribute that to the hormones, but the fact of the matter is that what I did the first time around wasn’t going to cut it for the challenge of raising two babies. I was focused on using ‘things’ to help with the difficult task of raising a baby instead of bearing the weight on my own. Now I understand that this is hard work, but it’s good work. It is work that I want to do each day. My house is full of happy chaos. All things considered, I feel like we’re doing great. We’re all really happy for about 85% of the day, which is good enough for me. It’s a higher concentration of happiness than I’ve experienced at any other point in my life and it all happened when I stopped looking for milestones and started living in the moment.

Audrey is going to be 8 months old this week and we’re breastfeeding because it makes us both happy. I wear her all the time since she’s content to be carried and it allows me the freedom to chase after Hannah. She wears PJs because they’re comfy for her and they prevent me from having to wash baby socks. If the girls don’t want to relax in their beds at night, they sleep in mine. When Audrey fusses during meals, instead of feeding her a puree, I let her hang on to an apple slice for entertainment. All of these normal, natural parenting activities didn’t come naturally to me. At some point in my life I heard conflicting advice to each one of them that led me to believe this was the wrong way to care for a child. I’m not saying that this is the right way or the only way to raise babies, but it is right for us.

These days, I’m missing milestones left and right. Audrey may hold a cup of water before she ever holds a baby spoon. She might never figure out how to blow a ‘proper’ raspberry. I don’t know if Hannah will ever give me a chance to lay her down for a nap in her crib. But, I know her better than I know myself. She’s happy and so am I.

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13 comments on “Second Baby Missed Milestones

  1. Steph says:

    I hear ya! I missed so many of Ben’s milestones. Or forgot to write them down. I always complain about Second Child Syndrome to my family and here I am doing it to my son!

  2. Heather M says:

    Yeah, each child those milestones have dropped off more and more. Alive, happy, well, loved? What truly matters.

  3. Nope, no charting of milestones here! For the life of me, I cannot remember what each baby weighed at birth except for my first one. I still have to mentally calculate birthdays when asked. In fact, yesterday, I gave the wrong one at Target because I have a child born in September and one in October. We do talk about each child a lot, and I am making sure to record what I can in their First Communion Albums which may be all I ever make for them.

  4. Love it because I know I am in the same boat. By the way, I think I saw you and your girls coming out of Wegmans. D o not know when but it happened.

  5. This is sweet and I totally relate with an almost 3 year old and 6 month old. But I have to say…you’re not missing the milestones…just living them!! What a wonderful way to live 🙂

  6. Heather says:

    I can relate to the missed milestones…my DS#2 has the saddest baby book… 😦

  7. onepunkymama says:

    I can definitely understand this. DD has a complete baby book, DS1 is kind of half done and DS2.. well, I might have put his name in it. It’s ok, they’re going to grow up happy kids and will it really matter when they learned to blow their own nose? Nope. 🙂

  8. OMG imagine when you have 3 and they are 12 years apart. I can barely remember the times my kids were born let alone when the got their 1st tooth LOL

  9. chockababycarrie says:

    “My house is full of happy chaos” is a wonderful statement. Thanks for sharing this perspective! I agree with the chaos but know I need to model the “happy” more often!

  10. susan says:

    I was always checking milestones, but missed some too,.

  11. taylor verner says:

    I really needed this today! I’ve never paid attention to milestones or compared the kids to normal charts, and people always act like I’m crazy…
    I’m not crazy, I’m happy.

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