To say that I’m excited for the apocalypse would be the understatement of the year. I know a lot of people are growing gardens and hoarding supplies in preparation, but I’m ready to get mobile and rogue with my family. We’re talking backwoods, survivor style, no excuses, take charge living. It’s time for big girl panties, ladies.
If, miraculously, you manage to survive the first 30 minutes, this is my advice for living through the rest of the madness.
Tips for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse:
10. Pre-Apocalypse: Watch Zombieland. It has a lot of really good pointers.
9. Apocalypse Offense: Never aim at something you don’t intend to shoot.
8. Apocalypse Babies: Put kids in a backpacks.
7. Apocalypse Transportation: Travel light.
6. Apocalypse Companions: Do not expect to make friends. (Use wife as bait.)
5. Apocalypse Laundry: Jump in a creek.
4. Apocalypse Food: If you don’t know it, don’t eat it.
3. Apocalypse Sleep: Take shifts.
2. Apocalypse Shelter: If it’s clear, it’s yours. Have an exit plan.
1. Post Apocalypse: Stay out of my way.